DBT re-named

I am a cruiser (with regard to learning that is).  I always knew that, but I didn’t quite see the impact that has on me until I’d had chance to reflect on my last appointment with Joy.  The one where she told me that using skills by accident was not going to do me any good.  I hate to admit I was wrong, but I was.  Joy was absolutely right.

It took a few days for me to reach this enlightened position.  Despite being a bit discouraged at having done all my DBT wrong up to that point, I gave the new way a try.  In the morning I would pick a skill or two to try during the day.  It was really difficult.  I couldn’t remember what the various skills involved (I still can’t).  I couldn’t even remember what they were called at first, even though so far, I’m only practicing a third of the distraction skills and some mindfulness.

To help overcome this I wrote the headings and sub headings in a notebook application on my i-phone.  Since then, when my mind goes blank I’ve been able to refer to those notes, and to anyone watching it just looks like I’m checking a text message.  Doing this has meant that some of the new skills, and how to apply them is starting to sink in!  I feel like I am actually learning.  This is a new feeling.  I didn’t know I hadn’t actively learned before – not till I started to experience it this last week or so.

Obviously I have been able to learn before.  I passed exams with quite good grades at school, and I very much enjoyed doing my degree despite towards the end getting bored and handing my dissertation in unfinished.  I even referred to my time at university as a three year holiday!  I learned just by being in a lesson or lecture, with minimal additional reading, and a last minute blitz of writing the night before an essay hand in deadline.  This approach has served me well enough.  I even passed A level English without reading most of the texts.  I just bought revision notes which I read instead.  Thomas Hardy, Canterbury Tales and such like were just too boring.  I think I might be a habitual under-achiever!

I think this passive approach to learning, and not bothering if it’s boring has been the root of my problems with maths.  I couldn’t get the hang of it by passive absorption which has meant I believed I can’t do it.  It’s possibly time for me to re-evaluate this belief.  DBT has triggered in me a glimmer of hope that maths may not have to be the stumbling block that denies me the opportunity of a new career.  Watch this space on that one!

The same trait has affected other areas of my life.  I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned already that I’m a Christian.  I have been since I was sixteen and many times it has been my faith that has given me strength not to give in to suicidal thoughts and feelings.  However, much as I have never lost my faith I have found it difficult to feed my faith through prayer and reading in the way I would’ve liked.

Prayer is part and parcel of the distraction skills.  A prompt to pray is now in my  i-phone.  Because of the DBT homework I am starting to experience a change – an improvement in this area of my life.  So much so, I’m wondering if it might be appropriate to re-name DBT from Dialectic to,

“Discipleship and Behavioural Therapy.”