I am an inconvenience!
I don’t want to be.
I don’t try to be, in fact I actually try not to be – yet I am still an
inconvenience.
This was true at home as a child – I caused my brother to
be violent towards me and then when he hurt me I didn’t even have the decency
to be quiet about it so the neighbours complained about my screaming.
It was true at school when I couldn’t or wouldn’t fit in
with my peers.
It has been true in work and voluntary organisations I’ve
been involved with. When I see injustice
and discrimination to myself or others I won’t tolerate it and choose to be an
inconvenience to the antagonist. In
those circumstances I can be as inconvenient as a stone in your shoe when you
need to run for a bus. Being an
inconvenience is not always a bad thing, not when it means you are a catalyst
for positive change.
Just now however, I am simply an inconvenient
inconvenience for Joy. She has real
difficulty finding a slot where she can offer me my weekly DBT appointment. Her schedule is far too pressured to take
into account my needs and personal circumstances. Last time we met she offered me an
appointment that was impossible. She had
offered me this slot before and I had explained quite clearly that the slot she
proposed was totally impractical for me as it was after school finishing time
and I have no child care. Therefore,
when she suggested it the following week I was disappointed that she had not
listened to me. She muttered about
having to swap this and that and change other people’s appointments to slot me
in at an earlier time. After which I
thought we agreed that for the most part this new slot would be a regular time
and day so that in future I can make it and she doesn’t have to get flustered
changing things round.
Today Joy called because she needed to cancel my
appointment. That’s ok – things happen
and plans have to be changed. The bit
that has got to me is her comment,
“I’ll call you tomorrow to arrange another time!” I thought it was arranged – same time, same
place, next week! No doubt she will
offer me another, equally impossible time as she made it clear last time that
she really didn’t have any other slots I could have, and the one she eventually
changed it to was a hassle for her.
I don’t quite get the problem really. When not doing home visits she is based in
the building I attend. I only need an
hour of her time. It doesn’t seem like
rocket science to me that she could block me in for a regular slot.
You may think at this point I am being a
little selfish – why should I have my own slot and other people fit in around
me? The reason is this. The geographical area that Joy covers and is
based in is the opposite side of the county to where I live. It’s a 50 minute drive there and 50 minutes
back again. I am her only DBT client,
and as such I am her only client who does not live in her patch and has such a
long way to travel. I don’t think a bit
of flexibility is inappropriate in the circumstances.
Why oh why oh why didn’t they link me with a keyworker
based in my side of the county?
Oh yes, I forgot – living where I do, I am just an
inconvenience.
Rant
over!
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