Introducing Penny

My name is Penny Du’Lum (not my real name of course, and for your information no real names are used in this blog).  This blog is a collection of my reflections and experiences as a BPD sufferer.

I’ll start with some basic information. I am female, in my mid-forties.  My husband and I have recently celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary.  I am a step mum to his grown up children and we a have a young daughter.  My career has been varied to say the least and I am now a self-employed arts worker.  I’m guessing I need to say that much or my ramblings will, at times, either have to step into the realms of fiction or make no sense at all.  Added to that, those first four sentences are my first challenge to the hyped, prejudiced rants found on some BPD websites for friends and families who believe BPD sufferers to be bad, insufferable people. (I may as well start as I mean to go on). It is possible for someone with BPD to have a long and happy marriage, raise healthy, balanced children and hold down a job, I am just one of many intelligent, caring, successful BPD sufferers.

With hind sight I can see that I have lived with BPD since my teens.  However I was only formally diagnosed and labelled in Summer 2010. This was mainly because having lived with the illness for so many years the pressure of holding my life together with all the pressure of extreme and changeable emotions alongside a long term major depression, and an uncertainty over which “self is real” led me to a place where I couldn’t continue without some knowledgeable interventions.

These interventions take the form of medication and a CPN called John (community psychiatric nurse).  Both of which have been/are very helpful in enabling me to start on a journey of what I hope is genuine recovery rather than the better patch and relapse cycle I have been trapped in most of my life.  I have also been referred for DBT (Dialectic Behavioural Therapy).  This has been designed for the treatment of BPD sufferers and the research results are very promising so I am hopeful this will significantly help me on my way if the waiting list ever gets to my turn.  So far I have waited nearly 18 months and have only moved 3 places up the list, since I am not yet in the top three I am not holding my breath for a start in the near future.