My name is Penny Du’Lum (not my real name of course, and for your information no real names are used in this blog). This blog is a collection of my reflections and experiences as a BPD sufferer.
I’ll start with some basic information. I am female, in my mid-forties. My husband and I have recently celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary. I am a step mum to his grown up children and we a have a young daughter. My career has been varied to say the least and I am now a self-employed arts worker. I’m guessing I need to say that much or my ramblings will, at times, either have to step into the realms of fiction or make no sense at all. Added to that, those first four sentences are my first challenge to the hyped, prejudiced rants found on some BPD websites for friends and families who believe BPD sufferers to be bad, insufferable people. (I may as well start as I mean to go on). It is possible for someone with BPD to have a long and happy marriage, raise healthy, balanced children and hold down a job, I am just one of many intelligent, caring, successful BPD sufferers.
With hind sight I can see that I have lived with BPD since my teens. However I was only formally diagnosed and labelled in Summer 2010. This was mainly because having lived with the illness for so many years the pressure of holding my life together with all the pressure of extreme and changeable emotions alongside a long term major depression, and an uncertainty over which “self is real” led me to a place where I couldn’t continue without some knowledgeable interventions.
These interventions take the form of medication and a CPN called John (community psychiatric nurse). Both of which have been/are very helpful in enabling me to start on a journey of what I hope is genuine recovery rather than the better patch and relapse cycle I have been trapped in most of my life. I have also been referred for DBT (Dialectic Behavioural Therapy). This has been designed for the treatment of BPD sufferers and the research results are very promising so I am hopeful this will significantly help me on my way if the waiting list ever gets to my turn. So far I have waited nearly 18 months and have only moved 3 places up the list, since I am not yet in the top three I am not holding my breath for a start in the near future.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
What it's for (this blog)
I am in the UK and live with a mental illness called Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) or Emotionally unstable Personality Disorder or Emotional Dysregulation Disorder or Emotional Regulation Disorder or Dyslimbia!
I think the confusion amongst psychiatrists and mental health professionals over what to call it gives a starting point to gaining some understanding what it is like to live with the illness (which according to some schools of thought does not actually exist anyway). It is very confusing!
If you research BPD on the internet you’ll find a range of helpful information and a lot of prejudicial hype about how awful us “Borderliners” are and how dreadful it is for anyone who has anything to do with us.
My aim, in writing this blog is to challenge those perceptions by sharing some of my own experiences as a sufferer, in the context of real life and not the outpouring of pain you may read on BPD support sites (where Borderliners will seek support at their lowest times), or the ranting of friends and families of Borderliners when they are feeling hurt and stressed by their loved one in crisis.
That’s not to say I won’t mention the low points, indeed I must if this is to a balanced record, just as I must mention the relationship tensions my illness can make me vulnerable to.
Please comment if you like the blog, or be constructive if you don’t. Thanks for looking!
I think the confusion amongst psychiatrists and mental health professionals over what to call it gives a starting point to gaining some understanding what it is like to live with the illness (which according to some schools of thought does not actually exist anyway). It is very confusing!
If you research BPD on the internet you’ll find a range of helpful information and a lot of prejudicial hype about how awful us “Borderliners” are and how dreadful it is for anyone who has anything to do with us.
My aim, in writing this blog is to challenge those perceptions by sharing some of my own experiences as a sufferer, in the context of real life and not the outpouring of pain you may read on BPD support sites (where Borderliners will seek support at their lowest times), or the ranting of friends and families of Borderliners when they are feeling hurt and stressed by their loved one in crisis.
That’s not to say I won’t mention the low points, indeed I must if this is to a balanced record, just as I must mention the relationship tensions my illness can make me vulnerable to.
Please comment if you like the blog, or be constructive if you don’t. Thanks for looking!
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