DBT re-named

I am a cruiser (with regard to learning that is).  I always knew that, but I didn’t quite see the impact that has on me until I’d had chance to reflect on my last appointment with Joy.  The one where she told me that using skills by accident was not going to do me any good.  I hate to admit I was wrong, but I was.  Joy was absolutely right.

It took a few days for me to reach this enlightened position.  Despite being a bit discouraged at having done all my DBT wrong up to that point, I gave the new way a try.  In the morning I would pick a skill or two to try during the day.  It was really difficult.  I couldn’t remember what the various skills involved (I still can’t).  I couldn’t even remember what they were called at first, even though so far, I’m only practicing a third of the distraction skills and some mindfulness.

To help overcome this I wrote the headings and sub headings in a notebook application on my i-phone.  Since then, when my mind goes blank I’ve been able to refer to those notes, and to anyone watching it just looks like I’m checking a text message.  Doing this has meant that some of the new skills, and how to apply them is starting to sink in!  I feel like I am actually learning.  This is a new feeling.  I didn’t know I hadn’t actively learned before – not till I started to experience it this last week or so.

Obviously I have been able to learn before.  I passed exams with quite good grades at school, and I very much enjoyed doing my degree despite towards the end getting bored and handing my dissertation in unfinished.  I even referred to my time at university as a three year holiday!  I learned just by being in a lesson or lecture, with minimal additional reading, and a last minute blitz of writing the night before an essay hand in deadline.  This approach has served me well enough.  I even passed A level English without reading most of the texts.  I just bought revision notes which I read instead.  Thomas Hardy, Canterbury Tales and such like were just too boring.  I think I might be a habitual under-achiever!

I think this passive approach to learning, and not bothering if it’s boring has been the root of my problems with maths.  I couldn’t get the hang of it by passive absorption which has meant I believed I can’t do it.  It’s possibly time for me to re-evaluate this belief.  DBT has triggered in me a glimmer of hope that maths may not have to be the stumbling block that denies me the opportunity of a new career.  Watch this space on that one!

The same trait has affected other areas of my life.  I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned already that I’m a Christian.  I have been since I was sixteen and many times it has been my faith that has given me strength not to give in to suicidal thoughts and feelings.  However, much as I have never lost my faith I have found it difficult to feed my faith through prayer and reading in the way I would’ve liked.

Prayer is part and parcel of the distraction skills.  A prompt to pray is now in my  i-phone.  Because of the DBT homework I am starting to experience a change – an improvement in this area of my life.  So much so, I’m wondering if it might be appropriate to re-name DBT from Dialectic to,

“Discipleship and Behavioural Therapy.”

The Self Sooth Box

Recipe

Ingredients

1 box (shoe box size is probably good but any bag or box will do)

1 item for sense of smell

1 item for sense of touch

1 item for sense of sight

1 item for sense of hearing

1 item for sense of taste

1 item to trigger good memories

1 item for creativity

(there may be more than one for each category and some items my cover more than one category)

Method

Gather together the items you wish to put in the box

Ensure that the container (box) is of sufficient size to hold the items

Make sure the container looks attractive/appealing  to you

Add the items to the box

Put it in a safe but accessible place ready for when you need it

But what is it for?

To be honest, I had heard of a “Soothing Box” before I saw Joy yesterday.  I had even wondered if it might be useful for me – but I never actually did anything about it.

A soothing box is an aid for reducing stress, negative emotions, bad/unhelpful thoughts and the urge to self-harm.  The idea is that you go to that box if you are feeling bad.  The box contains things that you have chosen because they may help you feel better and distract you from whatever thoughts / feelings are causing you problems.  It isn’t a solution or cure, but something that may help an individual cope with intense emotions a little better and at least delay if not prevent them falling back on self-harm or other unhealthy coping strategies.

One of the core DBT skills is mindfulness (staying in the moment without judgement) – whatever that means!  I haven’t really got it yet.  One aspect of it I have started to get though, is focussing on just one external thing.  For example, if I use some hand cream, taking the time to be aware of the texture, temperature, feeling, smell as I rub it in, smell etc.  It gives me a means to recognise and appreciate simple, pleasurable things without losing them all to the maelstrom of intense emotions I frequently experience in a day.  This in mind, it is suggested that a soothing box should contain items to cater for all the senses.

Today I have been making my box (not literally - I have bought one of those nice folding boxes).  I made a list of possible things to put in it and then had a good old rummage to find suitable ingredients.

My personal ingredients include: The collar from my first dog; my daughter’s first ballet shoes (they are so tiny and cute); a cup a soup; a scented candle, a piece of my special blanket from childhood; a small cuddly bear from my first mother’s day as a real mum; a small bible; a favourite prayer; some tic tacs; a picture of my phone with a music note (reminding me to listen to some music I like); colouring pensils and paper; small tub of modelling clay; some of my dog’s hair – I’m sure the bits and bobs will change over time.

Of course, the big question is, does it work?  So far the results are promising.  Something happened earlier that made me quite angry.  My first instinct was to want to self-harm, however, instead I took out my box, chose some hand cream and did the mindfulness exercise Joy taught me last week.  Having stepped away from the feelings for a few minutes, when I looked at them again they weren’t half so huge, indeed I would go as far as to say I might have over reacted a little!  I reckon that was pretty revolutionary for me – definitely a pat on the back moment!