Radical Acceptance

Radical Acceptance is one of the most helpful aspects of DBT (if I’ve understood it correctly).

In essence radical acceptance is the ability to accept a person as they are, including their behaviours and difficulties and, at the same time, without undermining that acceptance pushing for change.

I guess that’s as clear as mud?  I’ll try again….

In response to intense emotions I cut myself.  This behaviour works.  It diffuses and reduces the emotions leaving me able to function more normally.  A DBT therapist will (and I’ve yet to get to this bit with Joy) will accept that in the light of past experience this is a logical response because it is a tried and tested coping strategy.  The therapist will still promote change by giving alternative skills to use in similar situations.  I guess the end result will be when in that situation I will have more than one option of how to deal with it instead of going straight to my cutting kit.

I really like the sound of radical acceptance simply because the last time I tried CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy), much as it made some sense, the starting premise of “You have faulty thinking – your thoughts are wrong – if you had better thoughts you wouldn’t be in this state” was very destructive.  After a few weeks of trying with limited success, and on-going pressure to purge my head of all kinds of distorted thoughts, catastrophising and negative thinking I was ready to quit.  Quit not just the therapy, but life itself.  How could I change thoughts and ideas that were true, into lies (however positive they may seem).  How could I kid myself into being someone I am not.  My failure to grasp these skills just proved the hopelessness of my ability to change and increased the self-hatred and despair I often live with.  Not good!

It is a tragedy for me that knowledge is not the answer.  In my head I understand the concept of radical acceptance and much of what DBT is about – but I can’t live it.  Knowledge without skill is useless.