I am a cruiser (with regard to learning that is). I always knew that, but I didn’t quite see
the impact that has on me until I’d had chance to reflect on my last
appointment with Joy. The one where she
told me that using skills by accident was not going to do me any good. I hate to admit I was wrong, but I was. Joy was absolutely right.
It took a few days for me to reach this enlightened
position. Despite being a bit
discouraged at having done all my DBT wrong up to that point, I gave the new
way a try. In the morning I would pick a
skill or two to try during the day. It
was really difficult. I couldn’t
remember what the various skills involved (I still can’t). I couldn’t even remember what they were
called at first, even though so far, I’m only practicing a third of the
distraction skills and some mindfulness.
To help overcome this I wrote the headings and sub
headings in a notebook application on my i-phone. Since then, when my mind goes blank I’ve been
able to refer to those notes, and to anyone watching it just looks like I’m
checking a text message. Doing this has
meant that some of the new skills, and how to apply them is starting to sink
in! I feel like I am actually
learning. This is a new feeling. I didn’t know I hadn’t actively learned
before – not till I started to experience it this last week or so.
Obviously I have been able to learn before. I passed exams with quite good grades at
school, and I very much enjoyed doing my degree despite towards the end getting
bored and handing my dissertation in unfinished. I even referred to my time at university as a
three year holiday! I learned just by
being in a lesson or lecture, with minimal additional reading, and a last
minute blitz of writing the night before an essay hand in deadline. This approach has served me well enough. I even passed A level English without reading
most of the texts. I just bought
revision notes which I read instead.
Thomas Hardy, Canterbury Tales and such like were just too boring. I think I might be a habitual under-achiever!
I think this passive approach to learning, and not
bothering if it’s boring has been the root of my problems with maths. I couldn’t get the hang of it by passive absorption
which has meant I believed I can’t do it.
It’s possibly time for me to re-evaluate this belief. DBT has triggered in me a glimmer of hope
that maths may not have to be the stumbling block that denies me the
opportunity of a new career. Watch this
space on that one!
The same trait has affected other areas of my life. I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned already that I’m
a Christian. I have been since I was
sixteen and many times it has been my faith that has given me strength not to
give in to suicidal thoughts and feelings.
However, much as I have never lost my faith I have found it difficult to
feed my faith through prayer and reading in the way I would’ve liked.
Prayer is part and parcel of the distraction skills. A prompt to pray is now in my i-phone.
Because of the DBT homework I am starting to experience a change – an improvement
in this area of my life. So much so, I’m
wondering if it might be appropriate to re-name DBT from Dialectic to,
“Discipleship
and Behavioural Therapy.”
No comments:
Post a Comment